New age Love

Since I launched my Yes to Love workshops, I’ve been amazed at the range of people who have showed up, the emotions and issues people are dealing with, and the questions that I get asked.  The very fact that I’ve designed an attraction specific course this year shows the demand is there.

The fact is, love today is not simple.  It’s not even a ‘given’ that you will find it.  As social norms have changed, and people’s perceptions about how they want to live their lives, so have dating styles, how people find love…..and more importantly – how they keep it.

If you’re single and you’re of a ‘certain age’ you may be feeling shell-shocked and numb with confusion about how dating styles have changed, and disillusioned about how people find love nowadays.

If you’re single and young, you’ve been born into an era of internet dating, fast and furious, and “let’s see how I can prove that I’m self-sufficient, independent, and free.”

‘New age’ love includes the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Feeling disillusioned - knowing what you have to offer and being unable to find someone who appreciates it.  Finding someone who is actually looking for love – not just a quick "hook-up”, and someone who is emotionally available and ready to commit.

Pre-conditioning about what is acceptable today in love and attraction does not help your cause. We have lowered our standards somewhat as stereotypes have reversed.  Women believe they need to be wonder woman, and men don’t know who they need to be anymore. These ‘new’ rules of dating have the potential to make us all losers in the game of love.

We lost the ability to notice when someone is attracted to us because:
• Online dating took away the human connection
• New ‘norms’ made us ‘unapproachable’
• Fear of failure made us send out “back –off” instead of “I’m harmless”
• Disillusionment made us wary and only give a ‘portion’ of ourselves, so we don’t send out authentic signals


Well, I’m an optimist.  In an ideal world we’d all be able to ‘speak’ body language of course:
#1.  We’d all get ‘outy bout’ more instead of sitting at home in our PJ’s watching TV and surfing internet dating
#2.  People would bring down their barriers, declare themselves “safe to approach” and send out “I’m harmless”
#3.  It’s not rocket science. If your body language says, “unavailable” or “not interested” you can be sure that people will pick up on that……regardless, and no matter what you say!

And, it happens very quickly.  There’s a direct line of communication between the brain and the body that lies outside of our conscious awareness. Once we decide we like someone, the body automatically begins changing physically to signal attraction.

It may surprise you to know that women typically exhibit about 52 ways to signal attraction – where as men use only around 10!  Just what we always suspected then?  Men really are less complicated than women?

I’d like to thank Romantic Gestures™ NZ for supporting my recent Yes to Love event in Auckland with information about how to keep the romance alive and the gorgeous gift bags.

Steph Holloway

Feel free to leave a comment below about the one thing (if you're single) that you find difficult about dating.


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